Sixth Wedding Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary! To Us!

Hello readers! I am really excited and kind of nervous to write this post. I thought it was fitting to dedicate a blog post to my marriage because the 8th of November is our wedding anniversary. And there is so much material I have to write about! 

If you read my "Intro" blog, you got a glimpse into how we met back in High School. But I'll recap a bit, just to catch you up..

We might have different recollections of how it all went down, but I'm pretty sure my version is the right version. Just kidding. I think Rafael would agree that we were introduced through a mutual friend in our P.E. class in 10th grade. We were kind of outcasts then and never dressed for class, so our "punishment" was to walk around the baseball field the entire class. More time to talk and get to know each other! We were totally opposite. He was really into anarcho punk music and skateboarding, I was a goody-two-shoes Ska girl who loved Gwen Stefani. I never did well in school, but he was definitely a "bad boy" and I wanted a piece. So we dated for a few months until a 3rd person got involved, and that was that. We were donezo. 

Looking back now, I just accept it for being immature kids who were 15 years old. Thank someone we aren't 15 years old anymore. 

Even though my heart was broken, I never held a grudge (after I recovered from it), and we always kept in touch every now and then. 

When I was 20 years old, I ran into a friend of his and she gave me his new number to get in contact with him. He and I were both dating our (now) ex's but made a plan to meet up to share records and listen to music. Trust me, that's all that happened. I was a good girlfriend. Around that time is when my dad died and I let Rafael know. It was weird for me because he knew my dad and that meant a lot to me. Especially after my ex boyfriend broke up with me, and I thought "The guy I'm gonna eventually marry won't understand that part of me," but it turned out to be Rafael, and that was special to me. Does that make sense??

Anyway! About another year went by when I was finally single, and I called Rafael to say "I'm free! I can hang out whenever now!" Meaning: I don't have to report to a boyfriend and can have as many friends as I want, literally. Well, he took is as a second chance. No. Sorry babe, I don't wanna put you out there! But he fought really hard. For months. I had never been approached like this before and it was kind of weird and kind of intriguing. I mean, the difference between him (really chasing me) and my ex boyfriend (really ignoring me), it was new and nice. So eventually I caved and gave him a chance. It started a little rocky with a few red flags, but I'm full of forgiveness, and he is, too, and within two months he proposed to me! It wasn't completely random because my mom even told us, "if you two get married one day, you should where your dad and I did in Las Vegas!" So that was like his "permission" to ask me. Everything was so exciting and so fast-forward, I decided to make my own wedding dress. By hand. In one week.

(champagne colored hand-made wedding dress, by yours truly)

We were engaged for 6 months (longer than we were dating?) and within that time we actually got in a major car crash. It was exactly 2 months before our wedding date, and Rafael broke his hand. Oh my gosh. I had a gash on my forehead, but I wasn't worried because I tend to not scar, except it was a little scary thinking I might have one for my wedding pictures. It was all good, though. No scar.

(my poor '84 Caddi)

We were in physical therapy for a few months and the longest drawn out lawsuit (for two years!). I thought it was a pretty official way to start a life together. Haha? So November came and we got ready to road trip it to Las Vegas. Our family and a few friends trekked over there, too. We were only 22 years old and I couldn't wait to get married. Looking back, I don't regret it, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Twenty-two is a baby!! 

We got married on a Sunday at 5pm at Little Church of the West for sentimental reasons (the same day and time as my parents). And a week later, on November 15th, we had our reception back home in Torrance, CA. 

(bridal party!)

I can't recall how long our "honeymoon phase" lasted because we were both always excited to be married, but within 6 months of our marriage we got pregnant. Well.. Yes, it was very soon. Like, too soon. But before all that, we got a little big of traveling out of the way.

(who doesn't visit the Gum Wall when they're in San Luis Obispo?)

(towards the Santa Barbara pier)

(Fullerton train station hitching a ride)

(New Orleans)

(Treasure Island in Laguna Beach)

(being cheeky down the 101 South)

We got our first apartment the same week we found out we were expecting. I mean, if there's one thing we have perfected, it's moving forward fast. Everything all at once. Not the way to generally do it, but that's our style. 

I was on Cloud 9 for those first 7 months, and then I gained 60 lbs. and wanted the pregnancy to be done and over with. Where's my baby? Of course Harrison was a week late, but she was full and perfect. 

(I don't go easy on myself, therefore it looks like I ate all the meat off my husband's bones)

There was so much transition going on, Rafael got a new job, and becoming first-time parents put a lot of strain on him. Without going into detail, he got sick and that didn't help the situation. It affected his personality before they concluded what it was, and our true colors were coming out. I feel like this is when the "honeymoon phase" came to an ugly, abrupt stop. 

It was nice reflecting on all this, up until now. I've never been one to push myself beyond my limits, and before this time, my only struggles were with school. This was like, really real life. It became such a dark time, I felt like it was baby Harrison and me against the world. In one sense of it, I felt so strong to be this amazing mama, but in the same breath - like everything I dreamt for was falling apart. I'm sure many parents can relate to this transition, and I understand now why marriages don't last. The next few years had taken a toll on my confidence, my mental health, my idea of hope. It was so hard. I was let down in more ways than one, on many levels, but I'm sure Rafael felt the same way (in his own way). We tried getting help from multiple advisors, trying every resource to save our marriage. Some days would be over-the-moon blissful, and some weeks and months would be hell. The bad outweighed the good during this time. I'm telling you, these emotions went on for a solid two-and-a-half years. The next time someone tells me I "don't try," they clearly don't know what I've been through to make this work. What's amazing with Rafael and me is - we've taken turns being the stronger one. When one of us wants to quit, the other rallies through, and vice versa. I have to count my blessings that to this point, neither of us both wanted to quit simultaneously. 

Now, I'm not saying it just eventually worked itself out, I don't think either of us have put so much effort into making anything else work like our marriage. When people say "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" is a liar. 

Even though Rafael and I have always been complete opposites, we (well, he more than I) have adapted to each other's wants and needs. He has become the ideal partner for me. I mean, I have never felt so wanted, admired, and appreciated, and his loyalty is incomparable. Of all the things I see girls want in a guy, I'd give up "money and swag" for respect. It's crazy to witness a complete change in someone, and to be married to them! Sorry again, boo, if you think I'm calling you out. I'm just so grateful where we are now compared to where we were at one point. It's still a daily choice, but it's become easier over time. During this whole transitional period, we had our second daughter, Nico. Now, I'm not a believer that "kids will save a marriage," because trust me. They don't. But I will say that I noticed the efforts right after she was born. It felt like missed time was being made up for, and it was the best feeling for me. 

(second time around, giving birth to baby Nico)

We are constantly trying to keep the spark alive, which everyone knows is important in any long term relationship. It has gotten harder over time because we don't have our moms as available as they used to be, I mean.. who wants to watch two toddlers? Really.. But we've made efforts to go on dates every few months. Most of our time out is spent as a family, so we try to make it exciting.

(San Diego Zoo)

(Long Beach Aquarium of the Pacific)

(Disneyland)

(Christmas lights!)

(Lytle Creek hike)

(Family time)

(This is why we can't have nice things)

(at a restaurant)

Like I said, we try to set time aside for just the two of us

(young and in love)

(sister's birthday party)

(New Year's Eve party)

(New Orleans Jazz Fest)

(San Fransisco)

(brother's black and white party)

I know six years doesn't seem like a long time, but in 2015 it's like dog years. I feel like we've been through the worst part already, and can only become stronger after what we survived. I can't even say how we made it work, because it's not one thing alone that helped us. It's just constant effort and the ability to want it to work. It's easy to give up, trust me. Although I don't condone infidelity or physical abuse, so don't think those are actions worth fighting through - because they're not. 

Well, this was a neat topic to reflect on. Now I'm curious what Rafael's take on these past 6 years is.

Over and Out:

Sixties Pixie