Harajuku Girls!

Harajuku Girls!

you got that wicked style

Hello readers! This post is long overdue. Like, this should've been the first blog I ever wrote. And that first blog should've been up over 12 years ago. What's all the fuss? Japan.

I can remember growing up and going to Marukai stores with my mom and gazing at all the eye candy. So many trinkets, little novelty toys, tea sets, colorful candy and snacks, delicate stationary, chop sticks, the packaging.. I still get giddy when I visit Little Tokyo in Los Angeles, or Little Japan in San Fransisco. The idea of so many things to browse through, and every time I find something new. It almost reminds me of Where's Waldo? You always notice a new character the more you keep looking. It never gets old because there are so many details. (I've been told by professionals that I have ADHD, and if that's even the case, it makes sense why I'm obsessed with this kind of culture. It keeps me on my toes.)

There are so many different takes on Japanese style. Whether it's the Harajuku/Lolita style, anime/manga, cutesy Hello Kitty, it's all so inspirational. 

I remember even teaching myself to use chopsticks when I was 16 years old because I became obsessed with veggie rolls and inari. It might sound really silly, but it made me feel kind of connected to this country that I'd never visited. 

Now I'm not here to prove myself to anyone, but I'd love to share how I've incorporated this inspiration in my life. When my husband and I got married, we had an "International Love" themed wedding. Well, yes and no. It was kind of all over the place. But each table was decorated as a different country, and of course I dedicated one to Japan. 

a very simple rendition

I even received a beautiful blue kimono as a wedding gift from my friend. 

I remember when we were deciding the theme for our first daughter's nursery, I was so undecided in the beginning. It was like, a 1960's/Rasta/Harajuku/English theme. Sounds as confusing as I was. But then my mom gifted me a diaper holder that you hang off the changing table and it completely inspired me. It was all white with red and pink flowers that reminded me of cherry blossoms. 

 I was hooked. 

 I was working more hours and saving up any extra money. We made so many trips over a period of 3 months to Little Tokyo and went to town on the cutest Japanese decor, shopped around local Japanese stores, ordered cute, authentic items online, and I was on cloud 9 when I set everything up in her room. 

When I say I get bored easily, I'm telling you I can't sit through a television series, keep my furniture arranged one way for more than 3 months, and my personal appearance is constantly changing as well. But this! This whole theme of the girls' rooms has been everlasting for me. It's my happy place. After I've cleaned and organized their room, I just sit in there and look around at everything with such a full heart. I don't know if it's all the little decorations, or the bright colors, or the innocence, but it brings so much joy to me alone. The saddest day will come when Harrison and Nico want to take over and redecorate on their own terms. I don't know what I'll do with everything because I'm sure Rafael wouldn't prefer pink/white/red in our bedroom. But let's just hope that day doesn't come for many years.

Here are some photos of their room

I hung the clothes to replace the cherry blossom tree decal the girls tore down

I especially worked longer hours to afford the canvas on the right

this corner of their room is definitely my shrine of happiness

zoom out

these fabrics are actually from IKEA, but I thought they went well

the umbrella, fans, mobile, and banner are all from Little Tokyo, Los Angeles

up-close of the umbrella mobile

Harrison's bed: very colorful!!

up-close of the cutest buddies around. Including a one-eyed Totoro, thanks to having rowdy kids

When I decided Harrison's first birthday theme, it evolved from an Alice in Wonderland party, to a Gwen Stefani-style Alice in Wonderland tea party, to a strictly Japanese tea party. 

The idea of sharing this love with family and friends ignited so much inspiration in me. From the Japanese food, tea selections and goody bags, to having marble swirl bread and mochi as cake and ice cream, I tried dedicating this party to the authenticity of Japanese culture. And, of course, to honor Harrison turning one. 

Harrison's 1st birthday outfit

a selection of tea cups to choose from

poky sticks and hi chews to snack on, along with tempura seaweed chips 

more decor

I hand-made the birthday invitations also. Another craft I love getting in to.

I have only envisioned Japan from what I've seen in movies, read in books, or heard from friends. This is my interpretation. 

About 4 years ago an old coworker knew of my admiration of Japan, particularly Tokyo, and he actually bought me two travel guides. I look through them and wonder what it would be like to visit. 

I've always loved cherry blossom trees, which I have seen in person in San Fransisco, but just found out they are really only in bloom for about 2 weeks out of the year. How cool and rare is that? 

I hope that I'm able to visit before I die because that would bring such joyful memories for me. 

Over and Out:

SixtiesPixie

Radoo: The Wonder Dog

Radoo: The Wonder Dog

dedicated to my old man.

Hello Readers! If anyone knows me fully, maybe they'd agree that I'm like a mixture of Gwen Stefani and my dad. Kind of a strange combination, but it makes sense in my head. I try to convince myself that I'm totally inspired by Gwen's style and lyrics, but my dad's emotional personality (both sides of the spectrum) and taste in music.

If I can be honest, he was a hard person to love. My family had an intense upbringing that I wouldn't wish on anyone, but am very fortunate to have turned out halfway decent from the experience. My siblings, mom, and I have a lighthearted point of view of it all now, but I'm sure we can agree on never wanting to relive it. 

Anyway, excuse me for such a bummer of an intro, but I needed to set some kind of scene so you can understand where I'm going. 

It was exactly 8 years ago tonight, January 2nd, 2008, that my life flipped around and knocked me over. I lost my dad to Hepatitis C. This had be a prolonged battle (from the 1960's) that started taking its toll about 3 years before he died. 

I had never dealt with death as close to my heart as my dad. And like I said, even though it was a hard upbringing, and I was a terrible teenager on top of that, he and I still had the closest relationship. It was like an unspoken agreement that we just understood each other, and I think being the youngest in the family benefited me. 

One of our last pictures taken together

When I look back on coping with the recovery, I remember at least being thankful for the timing, and if that's tacky - excuse me. But we got passed the holidays and into the new year, and though it didn't speed up my recovery, we did have one final hoorah. In fact, I can remember our last Christmas so clearly. I helped my dad get ready to go to my sister's apartment and I shaved his facial hair. He couldn't shower so I prepped him from the shoulders up. In those moments, I couldn't really bring myself to say much, but he told me, "I'm sure gonna miss you guys." He wasn't trying to be a downer, but it really broke my heart and still does. 

His bones were hurting him so much he had to lay in bed on Christmas day, so when it was his turn to open gifts, we were in my sister's bedroom. 

One of my dad's absolute favorite musicians of all time was Emmylou Harris, and she had just released a box set of rare songs with a booklet. I gave that to him as a gift and it was an irreplaceable  moment. You know when you wanna cry because you're so happy and sad at the same time? We both felt it then (because I'm telling you, we had the same emotions). 

Clean-shaven face: check!

A week later, everything we feared became reality. I'll save you the details other than we called a bunch of friends and family to visit him in the hospital. We had music playing, friends stopping by, and a lot of ice chip feedings. But around 9:25pm, my life came crashing down. From that point on I had a very long road ahead of me to accept and recover. I would get very severe panic attacks and have crazy ideas of how to get him back. I'd make deals with God, and lots of promises to have just 5 minutes with him again. There were so many things I wanted to ask, lots of silly questions, but I still wanted his answers anyway. Like, what was his favorite band that Eric Clapton was in: Cream, Yardbirds, or Derek and the Dominos? I know he would've loved these kind of questions. I remember my mom asked him if he liked surfing or motorcycles more. I just wanted to know him more than as my dad. 

I'd like to think I haven't taken the people in my life for granted, but even more now since he's been gone. People learn different lessons from the same experience, and I learned to let the people I love know how I feel before it's too late. The only thing I did have peace with was that he and I knew we didn't hold any grudges. 

I used to have constant dreams about him for months after he died. They were never alarming or sad, just hanging out. I would tell myself, "I'll write these dreams down and write a book about them," but never did and have forgotten most of them by now. One dream that always stuck with me was me calling him into the hallway by my room so I could show him the tattoo I got (in real life) for him. Okay, a little back story: I never had any tattoos until after he died. My very first one is on my right shoulder/collar, and it reads "Now he's gone to a place where it's legal to dream," which are Emmylou Harris lyrics off the album I gave him for Christmas. So back to the dream, I remember showing him that same tattoo and he was crying tears of joy because it was thoughtful. But I remember thinking, "If he's still alive, why would I have this tattoo?" Like I said, my dreams of him were pretty sweet. 

I remember meeting a woman while I was at work who also lost her dad about a year before, and she told me, "it doesn't get better, but it gets easier." Eventually I learned to live without him by accepting it, even though I never got over it. 

Last week on Christmas day my family and I watched some videos that my sister and I used to make for our brother's birthday. (Don't even ask). And there was a 2 second screenshot of my dad in the video singing Happy Birthday, holding the peace sign up. I haven't seen him or heard him in years, and it really broke my heart all over again watching that part of the video. 

Even though it has eventually gotten easier over the last 8 years, if I really think back to him as a person, and his voice, and dorky jokes, and one-of-a-kind mannerisms, it's still hard sometimes. 

He never became a Grandpa which I know hurt him more than anything, and now that there are four grandkids in our family - I think, man, he would've gone nuts for them. 

It's weird that I have a set of favorite pictures of my dad, and that's it. I won't ever be able to take new ones with him and have to resort to 2007 as the most recent photos. A lot has changed since then and I wish I could update him on everything: my brother buying a home and setting a new standard for Teacher of the Year (you'll understand if you've heard that story), my sister and her husband having two kids and moving to Santa Maria/Santa Barbara (and back to L.A. after 7 years), my mom becoming a "Gaga" to four grandkids, and me getting married with our two kids. 

I don't have much else to say other than treat those you love with kindness, and remind them often that you appreciate them. Even when people get under your skin, most of those traits will one day become endearing. 

I've had these photos in an album/folder for years now and feel like they express who he was (on a good day!)

Wedding day: January 16th, 1983

(my old man and mama)

He always wanted to be a great dad

To say I was the baby is an understatement 

I remember asking him to take this picture with me. Kind of random.

He taught me not to give a care for dancing in public

His pride and joy (at my sister's wedding)

His last birthday 

Beatles tribute band got us all dancing!!

I try not to think of the negative sides to his past, it's not coming back, so I share great memories of him with my kids. 

And by the way, he always considered himself a super hero who went by the name Radoo - the Wonder Dog.

Over and Out:

SixtiesPixie

Day Tripper

She Was A Day Tripper

 a Sunday driver, yea

Hello readers! Even before (but definitely more so since) I wrote my last "alter ego" blog, my mind has been racing with ways to break free from my humdrum life as a stay at home mama. Like I've said, my kids are very amazing and I feel pretty lucky they're mine, but any kind of routine lifestyle can make even the most optimistic go mad. 

I am constantly thankful for my geographical location, I mean - Torrance, California is basically "god's country," but I personally get bored very easily. And living in the same 10 mile radius my entire life just fuels the restlessness. And on top of it, the convenience of having our doctors, shopping, coffee, family, etc. within walking distance or a 10 minute drive just enables us to stay. Although it would be exciting to move far or travel out of the country, I will admit that Southern California is quite amazing. We have so much going on in Los Angeles, but when that gets old, a simple day trip will rejuvenate any tired soul. There is so much outside of L.A. that will make you feel like you're nowhere near the city. It really is amazing how diverse the state of California is. You have different cities, desserts, mountains, snow, lakes, beaches.. That's pretty impressive if you'd care for my opinion. 

Even though I will always plan on traveling internationally one day, until then, I have to make do with my current resources. Luckily for me, my very few friends have similar outlooks. 

Just last weekend my friend since childhood (I'm talking we've been friends since 4 years old) called me at 10am asking if I wanted to go up to the Santa Barbara mountains for the day. I left Nico with my mom, thank someone she was available and willing, and Harrison came with us and my friend's daughter. So the 4 of us made the day trip and it was perfect. 

I always like seeing my kids out of their comfort zones and reacting to nature, if you will. We took the hike up to Seven Falls, and realized there wasn't any waterfall because of our state's drought. Way to go, California. The views were so pretty though and it was dead silent up the trails, so it was still really refreshing. 

101 North

Santa Barbara views

City Girls

City Girls pt. 2

On our way down the mountain, we decided to stop by State Street before heading home. It was a Sunday afternoon so all the shops and restaurants were closing early. They're mostly independent businesses, so it's pretty nice not seeing everyday stores that you can spot anywhere else back home.

(The first time I came to Santa Barbara with Rafael, we went to eat Thai food, and I wanted to take a picture in front of it to show him later.)

now I'm craving Thai Iced Tea.

Everyone has different ideas of what it means to be "successful." What satisfies someone might be totally opposite for the next person. Some work for money and nice things, some love offering up their time for charity work, and others wants experiences. My brother told me that when they've studied Lottery winners, the people who blow their money on homes and cars can become depressed, but those who spend their winnings on traveling are the happiest people because they have memories. I'm not saying I've been completely unsatisfied with my choices in life so far, but I am constantly working on being a better version of myself, and that includes gratitude and happiness. I'm sure it would help a ton if I just stepped back and appreciated everyone/everything I do have in my life, and I do, but I also don't want to settle for my current status. Life has too much to offer for me to just sit here and hear about it. I want to live it myself. 

This past Tuesday was Rafael's birthday (the last of his 20's) so we planned a day trip to Big Bear Mountain. He had never been there or had ever seen snow before. The last time I visited Big Bear was exactly 10 years ago this month, when my aunt rented a cabin and we all went up for Christmas. It was a great idea for both of us. We left on Wednesday around 9:00am with both girls and a bunch of snacks. When we got on the 210 fwy, I realized his childhood friend lived in Covina (on the way) and offered to pick him up for our adventure. Rafael called him around 10am and within 15 minutes he was ready and we continued our trip. His friend had never been to Big Bear either, nor touched snow before! It felt good seeing them experience this for the first time. We got there before noon and spent a good amount of the day letting the kids wreak havoc on a playground, hanging out with like, 30 ducks, walking around the small town, going to a music shop and letting the kids play ukuleles, and taking lots of pictures. There were patches of snow here and there, but on our way back down the mountain there was a lot of snow on the sides of the road. We pulled over and parked in one of those "passing lanes." There was so much fresh snow, we got to throw snowballs and make some sorry excuses of snow angels. None of us had gloves on so our city side was definitely showing. I could've sworn I was gonna get frostbite. 

Big Bear Lake

Toto, I don't think we're in Torrance anymore

Fresh, fluffy snow

Harrison's excitement was very fitting for a first-timer

Nico wasn't quite sure what to make of the frozen white stuff.

Even though I'm only writing about two trips we've taken since my last blog, I gotta start somewhere.  If I'm gonna complain about any situation, I most likely have the freedom to do something about it. And if you have any suggestions for my next day trip, road trip, or adventure abroad, I'm open to new ideas. 

Since I'm on the topic of travel, I'll compile a quick list of every place I can remember I've been to..

Brookings, OR

Maryland

Washington DC

New York City, New York

Jacksonville, Florida

New Orleans, LA

Chicago, IL

Las Vegas, NV

Kona, HI

Tijuana, Mexico

Big Sur, CA

Barstow, CA

San Fransisco, CA

Humbolt, CA

San Diego, CA

Palm Springs, CA

Santa Barbara, CA

San Luis Obispo, CA

Places I'd love to visit..

Tokyo, Japan

London, England

Paris, France

Guadalajara, Mexico

Chihuahua, Mexico

any of the Polynesian Islands

Cape Town, South Africa

Iceland

Spain

Milan, Italy

Athens, Greece

Dublin, Ireland

This past June my passport expired and my heart has been broken, kind of. Now, if anyone says, "but you've been to so many places already?" Maybe to some it could be a decent amount, but that's how I know everyone is different. It isn't that I'm unsatisfied, it's that I don't want to settle when I know what makes me happy. And when I know it's out there!

Anyway, it always feels good for me to write about these thoughts and get them off my chest. I hope if you have the urge to travel and are given the chance, you take it and are safe.

Over and Out:

Sixties Pixie

Imaginary Alter Ego

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

If I could tap into my Alter Ego

Hello readers! This is a silly post on a silly topic. But it's constantly inside my head. 

I'm not sure how many people, if any, have this alternate world in their heads of what they wish their lives could be instead of reality. I'm pretty certain a lot of young people dream of being a celebrity or athlete, I know that's had to cross everyone's mind at least once in their life. I'm no different, except it doesn't have to do with fame at-all. Actually, quite the opposite. I know every human has free choice to live their life however they plan. Some awesome, some regrettable. But if I could go back in time with the knowledge that I have now, I'd prefer to fully live out my introvert lifestyle. Like, single-girl-living-alone lifestyle. This would all take place in my early 20's, and it would be amazing. 

Let's see, a typical day in my alternate world.. first of all, I'd live in a charming, quaint apartment. I'd have tea every morning at my small dining table, alone, quietly. I'd have music playing in the background. And since it'd be the morning, I'd have Belle and Sebastian playing to set the mood for the day. 

(I mean, how cute is this little kitchen?)

I wouldn't have to ask anyone if it was okay that I play music, or what band it was, because it'd just be me, myself, and I. And it'd be decent even if it was at 6:30am. 

I'd go out for a bike ride around the city and take my time because I wouldn't have to rush home to anyone. I'd go get coffee however many times a day felt right, and I'd meet new people daily. I'm pretty good with quick conversations, not chit-chat! Real conversations. Just shortened so it doesn't get awkward before too long. 

I would be wearing whatever I wanted because I wouldn't have to get anyone's approval or see their dismay with my end result. I would experiment with even more hairstyles and colors, because it wouldn't be age-inapporpriate and since I'd be single, I wouldn't be embarrassing anyone other than myself. But I wouldn't care. 

(cotton candy pink. so cute and yummy!)

Even though they already are in some sense, I would make it apparent that my style icons are Audrey Hepburn and Audrey Tautou. I feel like they are part of the ultimate single-girl-guide. 

I'd go out to eat at little café's as often as I'd like because my money would be spent on myself. 

(café where'd I'd get coffee and meet cool new people)

I'd go to museums without having to worry about anyone in my party rushing through it or breaking anything. I'd be more well-rounded with things that stood the test of time. Meeting new and different people would keep me satisfied being single. I wouldn't yearn for change because I'd get it every time I went out. 

Taking road trips would be a seasonal plan, maybe going solo or having a few friends for the adventure. It would be more costly moving every few years, so planning out-of-town trips would keep my juices flowing. This would all be funded because I'd be a flight attendant. So not only would I be traveling within my own country, but across the pond as well. I'd love to visit Japan, England, France, South Africa, Spain, any of the Polynesian islands, and Mexico. It would all be free flight because I'd work for the airlines anyway. And discounted hotels! 

(so stylish: 1960s flight attendants)

(road-tripping, maybe not in a buggy tho)

(my go-to ride to get around other countries)

Obviously I'd have time on my hands to fulfill projects that have been in my head, because I wouldn't have to take care of anyone else. The majority of my wardrobe would be custom-made by me. I already have a sewing machine, but I don't have time. In this alternate world, I would have so much free time to make coats, dresses, pants.. Everything I've mentally designed. 

And my apartment decor would be so cute and so do-not-touch-able. Does that even make sense? It would just look too adorable to mess up. Hello, did I mention above it'd be charming and quaint?

(some interior decor inspo)

And while I'd be cleaning my cozy joint, I'd put on another record of whatever music I prefer. Even if it's at midnight. Why so late? Because I'd be getting back from a late night stroll in the city by myself. 

It would be a leisurely life with tons of style and time. I'd meet enough people in my daily routine, that I'd be just fine coming home to an empty apartment. 

Now listen, I'm not saying I'm totally against my current real life (because obviously it's completely opposite of this dream), but I'm pretty sure this 20-year-old-self would live the single-girl life for about a decade, at least. She would have so many ideas to fulfill first, before settling down and having a family. She'd have goals to work towards with no distraction or deadline. It definitely sounds pretty selfish, but she is 20, and single, and has a life to live.

Now excuse me while I return to my reality of married life and parenthood. And let me just add, it's not a bad reality - it's definitely opposite of everything I mentioned, but I'm thankful nonetheless. I know many girls dream of this life I have, like I used to myself, I'm just saying the timing is a little different than my "dream world." 

Over and Out:

Sixties Pixie

  

Sixth Wedding Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary! To Us!

Hello readers! I am really excited and kind of nervous to write this post. I thought it was fitting to dedicate a blog post to my marriage because the 8th of November is our wedding anniversary. And there is so much material I have to write about! 

If you read my "Intro" blog, you got a glimpse into how we met back in High School. But I'll recap a bit, just to catch you up..

We might have different recollections of how it all went down, but I'm pretty sure my version is the right version. Just kidding. I think Rafael would agree that we were introduced through a mutual friend in our P.E. class in 10th grade. We were kind of outcasts then and never dressed for class, so our "punishment" was to walk around the baseball field the entire class. More time to talk and get to know each other! We were totally opposite. He was really into anarcho punk music and skateboarding, I was a goody-two-shoes Ska girl who loved Gwen Stefani. I never did well in school, but he was definitely a "bad boy" and I wanted a piece. So we dated for a few months until a 3rd person got involved, and that was that. We were donezo. 

Looking back now, I just accept it for being immature kids who were 15 years old. Thank someone we aren't 15 years old anymore. 

Even though my heart was broken, I never held a grudge (after I recovered from it), and we always kept in touch every now and then. 

When I was 20 years old, I ran into a friend of his and she gave me his new number to get in contact with him. He and I were both dating our (now) ex's but made a plan to meet up to share records and listen to music. Trust me, that's all that happened. I was a good girlfriend. Around that time is when my dad died and I let Rafael know. It was weird for me because he knew my dad and that meant a lot to me. Especially after my ex boyfriend broke up with me, and I thought "The guy I'm gonna eventually marry won't understand that part of me," but it turned out to be Rafael, and that was special to me. Does that make sense??

Anyway! About another year went by when I was finally single, and I called Rafael to say "I'm free! I can hang out whenever now!" Meaning: I don't have to report to a boyfriend and can have as many friends as I want, literally. Well, he took is as a second chance. No. Sorry babe, I don't wanna put you out there! But he fought really hard. For months. I had never been approached like this before and it was kind of weird and kind of intriguing. I mean, the difference between him (really chasing me) and my ex boyfriend (really ignoring me), it was new and nice. So eventually I caved and gave him a chance. It started a little rocky with a few red flags, but I'm full of forgiveness, and he is, too, and within two months he proposed to me! It wasn't completely random because my mom even told us, "if you two get married one day, you should where your dad and I did in Las Vegas!" So that was like his "permission" to ask me. Everything was so exciting and so fast-forward, I decided to make my own wedding dress. By hand. In one week.

(champagne colored hand-made wedding dress, by yours truly)

We were engaged for 6 months (longer than we were dating?) and within that time we actually got in a major car crash. It was exactly 2 months before our wedding date, and Rafael broke his hand. Oh my gosh. I had a gash on my forehead, but I wasn't worried because I tend to not scar, except it was a little scary thinking I might have one for my wedding pictures. It was all good, though. No scar.

(my poor '84 Caddi)

We were in physical therapy for a few months and the longest drawn out lawsuit (for two years!). I thought it was a pretty official way to start a life together. Haha? So November came and we got ready to road trip it to Las Vegas. Our family and a few friends trekked over there, too. We were only 22 years old and I couldn't wait to get married. Looking back, I don't regret it, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Twenty-two is a baby!! 

We got married on a Sunday at 5pm at Little Church of the West for sentimental reasons (the same day and time as my parents). And a week later, on November 15th, we had our reception back home in Torrance, CA. 

(bridal party!)

I can't recall how long our "honeymoon phase" lasted because we were both always excited to be married, but within 6 months of our marriage we got pregnant. Well.. Yes, it was very soon. Like, too soon. But before all that, we got a little big of traveling out of the way.

(who doesn't visit the Gum Wall when they're in San Luis Obispo?)

(towards the Santa Barbara pier)

(Fullerton train station hitching a ride)

(New Orleans)

(Treasure Island in Laguna Beach)

(being cheeky down the 101 South)

We got our first apartment the same week we found out we were expecting. I mean, if there's one thing we have perfected, it's moving forward fast. Everything all at once. Not the way to generally do it, but that's our style. 

I was on Cloud 9 for those first 7 months, and then I gained 60 lbs. and wanted the pregnancy to be done and over with. Where's my baby? Of course Harrison was a week late, but she was full and perfect. 

(I don't go easy on myself, therefore it looks like I ate all the meat off my husband's bones)

There was so much transition going on, Rafael got a new job, and becoming first-time parents put a lot of strain on him. Without going into detail, he got sick and that didn't help the situation. It affected his personality before they concluded what it was, and our true colors were coming out. I feel like this is when the "honeymoon phase" came to an ugly, abrupt stop. 

It was nice reflecting on all this, up until now. I've never been one to push myself beyond my limits, and before this time, my only struggles were with school. This was like, really real life. It became such a dark time, I felt like it was baby Harrison and me against the world. In one sense of it, I felt so strong to be this amazing mama, but in the same breath - like everything I dreamt for was falling apart. I'm sure many parents can relate to this transition, and I understand now why marriages don't last. The next few years had taken a toll on my confidence, my mental health, my idea of hope. It was so hard. I was let down in more ways than one, on many levels, but I'm sure Rafael felt the same way (in his own way). We tried getting help from multiple advisors, trying every resource to save our marriage. Some days would be over-the-moon blissful, and some weeks and months would be hell. The bad outweighed the good during this time. I'm telling you, these emotions went on for a solid two-and-a-half years. The next time someone tells me I "don't try," they clearly don't know what I've been through to make this work. What's amazing with Rafael and me is - we've taken turns being the stronger one. When one of us wants to quit, the other rallies through, and vice versa. I have to count my blessings that to this point, neither of us both wanted to quit simultaneously. 

Now, I'm not saying it just eventually worked itself out, I don't think either of us have put so much effort into making anything else work like our marriage. When people say "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" is a liar. 

Even though Rafael and I have always been complete opposites, we (well, he more than I) have adapted to each other's wants and needs. He has become the ideal partner for me. I mean, I have never felt so wanted, admired, and appreciated, and his loyalty is incomparable. Of all the things I see girls want in a guy, I'd give up "money and swag" for respect. It's crazy to witness a complete change in someone, and to be married to them! Sorry again, boo, if you think I'm calling you out. I'm just so grateful where we are now compared to where we were at one point. It's still a daily choice, but it's become easier over time. During this whole transitional period, we had our second daughter, Nico. Now, I'm not a believer that "kids will save a marriage," because trust me. They don't. But I will say that I noticed the efforts right after she was born. It felt like missed time was being made up for, and it was the best feeling for me. 

(second time around, giving birth to baby Nico)

We are constantly trying to keep the spark alive, which everyone knows is important in any long term relationship. It has gotten harder over time because we don't have our moms as available as they used to be, I mean.. who wants to watch two toddlers? Really.. But we've made efforts to go on dates every few months. Most of our time out is spent as a family, so we try to make it exciting.

(San Diego Zoo)

(Long Beach Aquarium of the Pacific)

(Disneyland)

(Christmas lights!)

(Lytle Creek hike)

(Family time)

(This is why we can't have nice things)

(at a restaurant)

Like I said, we try to set time aside for just the two of us

(young and in love)

(sister's birthday party)

(New Year's Eve party)

(New Orleans Jazz Fest)

(San Fransisco)

(brother's black and white party)

I know six years doesn't seem like a long time, but in 2015 it's like dog years. I feel like we've been through the worst part already, and can only become stronger after what we survived. I can't even say how we made it work, because it's not one thing alone that helped us. It's just constant effort and the ability to want it to work. It's easy to give up, trust me. Although I don't condone infidelity or physical abuse, so don't think those are actions worth fighting through - because they're not. 

Well, this was a neat topic to reflect on. Now I'm curious what Rafael's take on these past 6 years is.

Over and Out:

Sixties Pixie